


“I'm marrying you glad so.”

by 221blackandwhitestripes



Series: Nygmobblepot Week 2019 [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Gotham (TV)
Genre: A lot of jokes, Crack, Dancing, Day One: Rogues Gallery, Drinking, Drunk Kissing, Ed needs to learn to be honest, Feel-good, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Future Fic, Glitter, Husbands-to-be, Idiots in Love, M/M, Miscommunication, Multi, Nygmobblepot Week 2019, Oswald is exasperated, Partying, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties, The Glitter Suit, The Iceberg Lounge, Utter Chaos, drunk ed, please enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 01:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18216146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221blackandwhitestripes/pseuds/221blackandwhitestripes
Summary: Oswald is ready to celebrate his upcoming marriage to Edward Nygma with the Best Bachelor party this city has seen. Little does he know, not everything will be going to plan.Nygmobblepot Week Day One: Rogues' Gallery





	“I'm marrying you glad so.”

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Merryandrew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merryandrew/gifts).



> For my lovely Mary, inspired by her [beautiful art](https://merryandrewsworld.tumblr.com/post/183328256652/drunk-ed-cus-he-is-just-sooo-very-adorable?is_highlighted_post=1). This fic is all fun and fluffy, so please enjoy this and don't let it rot your teeth XD

“Come on, Pengy! The decorations are all set up - everyone’s out there waiting for you two,” Barbara whined. “And as much as we both know Eddie loves making an entrance, I don’t think he’ll appreciate going inside without you.”

Oswald shook his head with a sigh, tightening the knot of his tie as he examined his reflection. “I still have no idea why I let you organise this.”

“Because I am Barbara Kean, Party Queen,” Barbara declared, sweeping her arms up above her head in a flamboyant display. “And because I’m your friend, and you trust me.”

Oswald rolled his eyes but didn’t comment. “How’s this tie?”

“It’s alright.” Barbara shrugged.

“Just alright?” Oswald turned away from the mirror to look at her straight-on. “Barbara, this is my _Bachelor_ party. I have to look better than alright. I must be _exceptional_.”

“Sorry, Os,” Barbara shrugged. “It’s just kinda…” Barbara trailed off.

“What?” Oswald snapped.

“Boring,” Barbara finished with a wince. Oswald’s jaw unhinged. The _gall_ to call _him_ \- “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But…” Barbara raised her hands, “I have the feeling you’re playing it safe. Which is just stupid, considering nothing about you and Ed is safe.”

Oswald smiled. “That’s true.” He slipped the tie off from around his neck, folding it neatly. “So? What should I do?”

“Lose that entire thing.” Barbara gestured up and down at his outfit.

“Excuse me?”

“Look, you have no idea how extra Ed looks right now. I just want you to match!” Barbara claimed, gesturing with her hands in a calming manner.

“Fine, fine,” Oswald sighed, making his way over to the closet and opening the door. “There you go, Barbara,” he made a sweeping motion to the door, stepping back to allow her some space beside him. “Do your worst.”

Barbara grinned, Cheshire-like in her glee. “It would be my pleasure.”

***

Oswald picked at his purple-glitter waistcoat, wrinkling his nose slightly. “Are you sure this is absolutely necessary?”

“Believe me, Eddie did more,” Barbara told him, pulling a face.

Hmm. Well, Oswald would just have to wait and see what _that_ meant.

“Are you ready, now?” Barbara asked gently.

Oswald adjusted the golden ring on his finger, feeling rather unsteady on his feet. “Of course, I’m ready!” He boomed. “It’s just a bachelor party, after all. Hardly a big ordeal.”

“Yeah, of co-”

“As long as the Bat doesn’t show up. Or everyone doesn’t trash the place. And Ed doesn’t run out halfway through. Or gets blind drunk and starts being honest about how he feels about me, and it turns out this is a whole big joke, and he doesn’t really want to marry me, and, oh God, why would he, of course, this is a joke, this is a prank isn’t it? Why didn’t I see this bef-”

“Jesus fuck, Oswald, calm the fuck down,” Barbara cut him off shrilly. “Let me take you to Ed before you have a heart attack and die without finding out what married sex is like.”

Oswald frowned, letting her hook his arm in hers. “Is it good?”

“ _Very_ good,” Barbara stated, slipping him a wink.

They made their way to the club’s inside-entrance, Barbara snapping cryptic messages in through her earpiece.

“Ed will be here in a sec,” she informed him, leaving him to fend for himself as she walked away.

It was okay. Everything was okay.

“Oswald?”

He turned to face the voice. There Edward stood, bathed in the shadows but that unmistakable grin still visible in the relative light.

“Oh, Ed, thank God,” Oswald breathed, placing his hands on Ed’s shoulders. “Kiss me before I keel over and _die_.”

“Kiss of life,” Ed nodded, lips twitching, “That I can do.”

Ed leaned forward and pressed their lips together, warm and familiar in the twitch of Ed’s smile and the taste of his tongue. Oswald pushed forward, dipping Ed low, his hand holding firm at the base of Ed’s spine.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting the Husbands to be; Oswald Cobblepot and Edward Nygma!”

Light flooded Oswald’s vision and he quickly set Edward to rights before the wolf-whistles could transform into something more.

“Alright, alright,” he rolled his eyes, addressing the crowd. It seemed that every rogue in Gotham had turned up, and some from outside the city as well. “Enough carry-on, let’s simply start the celebration, shall we?”

The crowd roared, a few people falling backward off their chairs. “Ah, yes, well I can see that Miss Quinn already has.”

‘Sorry,’ the girl mouthed, picking herself up off the floor with a sheepish blush.

The music started, booming through the ceiling and Oswald sighed happily as the attention was moved elsewhere once more.

“Well, Ed, I must say-” Oswald stopped dead in his tracks as he turned to see Ed absolutely _sparkling_. “Oh my _God_ , Edward, what the hell are you wearing?!”

“I call it ‘Glitter Suit 2.0’,” Ed informed him happily, holding his arms out and doing a little spin.

Oswald pressed his lips together, shaking his head sadly. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“Hey!” Ed poked his shoulder roughly, a giggle breaking out of his chest. Oswald couldn’t help but smile.

“Care to do the rounds with me, fiancé?” Oswald asked, wiggling his eyebrows as he offered his arm to his beloved.

“I very much would, fiancé.” Ed giggled again, red in his cheeks blooming against the green.

“Ed?” Oswald looked him up and down. “Have you already started drinking?”

“Just the one!” Ed told him, blinking wide like a baby deer. “Barbara gave it to me to calm my nerves.”

So they were both nervous.

“Oh, Ed,” Oswald shook his head with a put-upon sigh. “What will I do with you?”

“Something dirty, I hope.”

“Oh god.” Oswald buried his face in his palms. “Let’s just go talk to the important ones, then you can go ahead and be as Asylum-worthy as you like, okay?”

“Okay!” Ed sang, “Let’s go!”

***

Oswald looked up from his glass of red, watching his husband-to-be suck on the straw of some multi-coloured cocktail whilst trying not to snort it out as he laughed at a story Jonathan Crane was telling him. 

Oswald smiled, shaking his head at the image.

“Ugh.” A leather-clad Catwoman made her presence known as she plopped down into the seat beside him. “You two are so in love,” she scowled, “It’s disgusting.”

“Well, hello to you too, Miss Kyle,” Oswald greeted with a snort, placing his glass delicately onto the table’s surface. “What brings you to my booth?”

“I was waiting for your leg to tire you out so I could come an’ talk to you,” Selina stated, examining her claws.

“You just assumed that would happen?” Oswald questioned, raising a brow.

“It always does.” Selina shrugged.

Oswald rolled his eyes. “What do you want?”

“To get away from that.” Oswald followed her pointing hand to the corner of the dancefloor where Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn appeared to be grinding against each other, making out like their tongues were about to disappear.

Oswald blinked, covering his eyes with a sigh. “And here I thought this was _my_ Bachelor party.”

“How _is_ your Prospected, by the way?” Selina asked, a curious claw edging towards Oswald’s glass.

“He’s doing well, I’d say,” Oswald replied, turning his gaze back to see Ed talking to the Mad Hatter, now, as well, hands waving about in the air.

What a beautiful picture.

Oswald snatched his glass out of Selina’s hand before she could take a sip. “Ah, ah, ah.”

“You’re no fun,” she grouched, wrinkling her nose.

“On the contrary, I do believe I am _very_ entertaining,” Oswald stated with a smile.

The song changed, the club moving to a different beat.

“Oswald! Oswald!”

“Yes, Edward?” Oswald turned, already smiling as he saw his Edward running up to him, cheeks rosy and free.

“You have to dance with me!” he claimed, nodding wildly with his eyes wide.

“I do?” 

“Yes, yes!” Ed clamoured. Oswald smiled. Ed always got this way when he’d had a bit too much to drink.

“How many cocktails have you had, Eddie dear?”

“Oh my goodness,” Ed shook his head, eyes like _saucers_. “ _So_ many, you wouldn’t _believe_.” He started giggling, teeth digging into his bottom lip to keep them in, to no avail.

“Oh, Edward,” Oswald shook his head and laughed. “Fine, I’ll dance with you if only to keep you out of trouble.”

Ed grinned. “Thank you, thank you!” Ed grabbed his hand and Oswald had just enough time to bid the fair Catwoman farewell before he was dragged out onto the dance floor.

“What song is this anyway?” Oswald wondered aloud, not exactly caught up with the day's popular music. 

“Dear future husband,” Ed giggled, taking Oswald’s wrists to guide his hands to his shoulders. 

Oswald cocked his head to the side. “Yes?”

“That's it,” Ed laughed, “That’s the song: Dear Future Husband.”

“Oh,” Oswald blinked, “ _Right_.”

Ed giggled, shaking his head down at him.

“Err, my leg doesn't seem that up to dancing,” Oswald admitted. 

“That’s okay!” Ed assured him, head bobbing up and down like a prince of puzzles collectable. “You just stay still, and I'll dance around you.”

Oswald snorted, shaking his head. “You funny one.”

“You gotta know how to treat me like a lady…” Ed sang along to the song, flouncing around.

“I can’t believe I’m marrying you!” Oswald laughed, almost tipping over with it.

“And I’m marrying you!” Ed leapt at him, hugging him too tight as he pressed kiss after kiss to Oswald’s fleshy cheeks. Oswald smiled, bringing his hands up around Ed’s shoulders to steady himself. 

The last notes of the song drained away.

“Ed, perhaps we can find somewhere to sit?” Oswald suggested gently, guiding Ed off the dancefloor with a hand clasped to his glittery hip.

“Okay!” Ed agreed, tickling him under the chin teasingly before taking his hand. 

A set of seats at the bar were free, and Oswald nabbed them before anyone else could snatch them up. Ed swung around on his chair, leaning heavily on the bar with a blissed-out smile.

“Y-you know, Oswald?” Ed giggled, burying his face in his palm. “I- I- I'm okay with this. This is - y-yeah. But, I thought…” Ed blinked heavily, probably wondering where the rest of his sentence had gone. 

“You’re really beginning to feel all those drinks, aren’t you, Ed?” Oswald stroked the man’s cheek, leaning forward to look into his eyes and check his pupils.

“I think so.” Ed giggled. “You-you’re tickling me.”

“Sorry.” Oswald moved his hand into Ed's hair, fixing the back of it before he fully pulled away. “Drink some water before you decide if you want any more, okay?”

“O-okay.”

Oswald flagged down the bartender. “Eric, get some water for Eddie, okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“O-Ozzie.” Ed giggled, resting his head on Oswald’s shoulder. “We're in an iceberg, Ozzie! An iceberg!”

“Here you go, sir.”

“Thank you, Eric, your punctuality is noted.” Oswald took the glass from his hand, guiding it to his beloved’s lips. “Drink up, my darling.”

“Oh, Oswald!”

Oswald quickly pulled the glass away before it could spill down Edward’s sparkly front.

“I forgot to give you this, Oswald!” Ed's hand delved into his pocket, pulling out a piece of card which he proceeded to wave in Oswald’s face. “Do you like it? Do you like it?”

Oswald smiled, directing Ed's hand away gently. “How about I read it while you drink your water?”

“Okay!”

Oswald opened up the card.

_Uranium_

_Radium_

_QT!_

“You are a cutie,” Oswald read, shaking his head with a smile. “Oh, Ed, you'll be the death of me, won’t you?”

“Huh?” Ed looked up from his glass of water, eyes wide. “Oh! Yes, I knew you'd like it!”

“I do.”

“Oh, Oswald!” Ed cried, suddenly hugging Oswald tight. “I love you so much! 

Oswald pressed his lips into a smile, wrapping an arm around Ed. “I love you, too.”

Ed grinned, pulling back to return to his glass. Oswald took the opportunity to turn back and admire his precious club. Chaos reigned from each corner of the room, madness spilling in like a tipped-over house of cards. Oswald caught Barbara’s watchful eye then quickly looked away, focussing on his husband instead.

“Ed?” he questioned softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. Ed continued to sway to the music, hanging over his empty glass with an equally voidish expression. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, hello there.” Ed giggled. “Thank you for coming.”

Oswald frowned, puzzled. 

“C-can I tell you a secret?” Ed leaned in close, pressing to Oswald’s side. 

“You can tell me anything, you know that,” Oswald stated.

Ed nodded, cheek smushed against Oswald’s sleeve. He sniffed slowly, rubbing his face up against him like a cat.

“What is it, Ed?”

“I didn’t really want a bachelor party.”

In the background, the music changed to something with a fast tempo and heavy beat. The crowd of people invading his club cheered and roared.

“Oh.”

The chandeliers above their heads rattled, casting flickering lights around the room like disco balls. The ground vibrated beneath their feet, treacherous and unstable. Oswald’s ears wailed.

“Oh, thank _God_.” He sighed, pulling Ed into his arms instantly, holding him close. “I didn’t want one either!”

“Really?” Ed murmured hopefully in his ear.

“Really,” Oswald confirmed. “Ed, the only reason I had Barbara arrange this whole thing was for you! I thought _you_ wanted it!”

“I thought _you_ wanted it!” Ed exclaimed hysterically, pulling away.

“Ed, you were the one who said yes to the Bachelor party! I asked you, remember?”

“Yes, but I thought you wanted me to say yes to it!” Ed whined, pouting as he leaned back against the bar. “You love big, extravagant parties.”

“Yeah, but not like this,” Oswald waved his hand at the antics surrounding them. “This is utter _chaos_. Look over there; Harley Quinn is doing shots off her girlfriend’s stomach. Slade is making out with Mr Penn’s dummy, wherever _that_ guy is. I don’t even want to know what Waylon Jones plans to do with that bottle of merlot. This isn’t _class_ , Eddie: It’s madness. And certainly not the good kind.”

“I know,” Ed sulked, hand searching for a glass that wasn’t there. “I just wanted you to be happy with me.”

“Ed…” Oswald shook his head. “I _am_ happy. _So_ happy. All I need is you with me, and I’m there. So much so that I was willing to endure all this,” Oswald waved his hand at the chaos, “Just to be with you.”

Ed pressed his lips together and nodded.

“Ed, please, I just want you to put yourself first for a change.” Oswald stretched his hand out, stroking Ed’s arm. “Like the wedding-dress shopping. I know how much you enjoyed that. And I didn’t come because-”

“Because it’s going to be a surprise,” Ed finished with a bright smile. “Oh, Oswald you’re going to _love_ it.”

Oswald nodded, smiling too. “I’m sure I will.” He prodded Ed’s shoulder gently. “Now, care to tell me what you _really_ wanted for today?”

Ed’s cheeks coloured and he glanced away. “Well, as much as I enjoyed trying on wedding dresses with our friends, I did miss you quite a lot.”

“Naturally.” Oswald preened, delighting in Ed’s burst of laughter.

“So, I was thinking we could do something similar. With just our close friends. Like - like a bridal shower, or something.” Ed’s cheeks pinkened further as he uttered the word ‘bridal’.

“Of course,” Oswald agreed readily, snatching up Ed’s hands and placing a kiss to each. “Of course, my love. That sounds…” Oswald smiled, “So _us_.”

Ed giggled, trying to hide his face, but Oswald wouldn’t let him, hanging onto his hands with a steady grip.

“Now, I'm going to go talk to Barbara and arrange the whole thing. Would you like her to kick everyone else out while I'm at it?”

Ed shook his head. “We can still have fun! Besides, it's nice to see Jervis and Jon outside of work.”

Oswald laughed. “Yes, well, I better go say hello to my own colleagues.” He signalled the bartender who walked over immediately. “Order whatever you like, my love, just be careful with yourself.” He pressed a kiss to Ed's cheek. “You are hereby free to ruin the night.”

Ed giggled. “Aye, aye, Mr Penguin.” He saluted.

Oswald smiled. “I'll see you soon.”

***

“WHAT!?” Barbara squawked, glaring down at him furiously. “Why the fuck did I go to all this trouble, then?”

Oswald pressed his lips together, searching for an answer. “Because… you're Barbara Kean, Party Queen? And you’re our friend and we trust you.”

“Touché,” she sniffed, tossing her head. “So, a bridal shower?”

Oswald nodded. “Make it classy.”

“You bet your sweet ass, I will.” She took a sip of her martini, scowling at him over the rim. “Classiest shit you'll ever see.”

Oswald rolled his eyes. “Thank you, Barbara.”

“You’re welcome.” She tipped the rest of her drink down her throat and walked away, muttering about lace handkerchiefs and china tea sets.

***

“And then Boy Wonder just _had_ to come and interrupt us,” Selina sighed. “Every. Single. Time. I swear that kid is the biggest cock block in this city.”

Oswald frowned, looking her up and down. “You have a… _strange_ relationship with the Bat.”

“Surely, you get it,” she continued, folding her arms peevishly. “I bet you and string bean have been interrupted in the heat of the moment at least once before.”

“Well…” Oswald thought back. “There was a time. In an alleyway…”

“See!” Selina hissed. “He’s a menace!”

“Actually he walked away and came back five minutes later after we’d,” Oswald cleared his throat, “Finished.”

Selina blinked. “What?”

Oswald shrugged. “What can I say? The kid respects our privacy. Called us cute once before he brought the cuffs out.”

Selina’s nostrils flared, shaking her head almost minutely. “Fucking unbelievable.”

Oswald raised his eyebrows as he watched her stand up and gather her things, shouldering her purse and bunching her coat under her arm. “Have fun!” he called after her as she disappeared into the crowd.

Soft giggles caught his ear and he turned his head just in time to be greeted by a lapful of Edward.

“Wh-what’s wrong with kitty-cat?” Ed tucked his face into Oswald’s neck, muffling his voice as he laughed. “Did - did - did she lose her ball of wool?” His legs swung back and forth, and Oswald quickly curled an arm around his waist to keep him steady.

“She’s off to chase birds,” Oswald told him, ruffling Ed’s hair. His hand came back ensconced in glitter. “Woah, what happened to you?”

“I went to talk to Harley!” Ed squealed, apparently unaware that Oswald’s ear was _right there_. “Did you know her and Poison Ivy are dating?”

“Yes, I did know,” Oswald chuckled. “Everyone knows.”

“That’s good!” Ed giggled.

“Here,” Oswald tapped Ed’s nose, leaving a spot of glitter. Ed’s eyes crossed as he tried to examine his nose. Oswald smiled, trailing glitter over Ed’s cheeks.

“You smell nice!” Ed chirped, nuzzling his glittery face into Oswald’s neck.

“Thank you,” Oswald laughed, tolerating the glitter show. “May I ask how many drinks you’ve had tonight?”

“Sooooo many!” Ed moaned. “Not just cocktails! I wanted to try everything!”

“Oh, wow.” Oswald nodded, struggling to hide his smile.

“You look really pretty tonight, Oswald!” Ed cried.

“Thank you.” Oswald stroked Ed back and planted a kiss to his ear.

“So, so pretty!” Ed insisted. “So pretty, I-” Ed’s head rested on Oswald’s shoulder as he paused to hiccup, “I - I could just marry you!”

“Ed, you’re my fiancé,” Oswald reminded him with a laugh.

“But - but,” Ed’s bottom lip trembled, “I sleep with the _Penguin_ , Oswald.” 

Oswald closed his eyes, lips pressed tight to stop his own giggles from getting out.

“He wears fancy pyjamas, Oswald!” Ed continued. “Or nothing at all! Can you imagine?”

“I can.”

“And - oh, it’s a secret!” Ed clasped a hand over his mouth, almost tipping himself off Oswald’s lap.

Oswald sighed, quickly resecuring Ed’s perch. “You can tell me, Eddie dear.”

Ed leaned up, lips brushing the shell of Oswald’s ear. “He has a really big-”

“Okay!” Oswald burst out laughing. “I think it’s bedtime for you, my darling.”

“Don’t worry,” Ed’s hands scrabbled along Oswald’s waistcoat, fingers curling into the fabric, “Yours is really big too, Oswald.”

Oswald could barely see through the tears of hilarity in his eyes. “Oh, Ed, oh my. You definitely need to sleep this off.”

“Kiss me!” Ed spouted, immediately sealing Oswald’s lips with his own, tongue sloppy in Oswald’s mouth.

“Okay, okay,” Oswald pulled away, laughing, “That’s very kind of you, Edward, but it’s time for bed.”

“But the party’s still going,” he whined, rocking his hips in Oswald’s lap.

“Not for you it isn’t.” Oswald patted Ed’s behind once in askance for him to get off. Ed pouted, sliding down onto the ground again.

“No fun.”

“I know, darling.” Oswald stood, knees and back clicking as he stretched his arms up above his head. “Come on, upstairs with you.”

“Oh, but Oswald,” Ed stroked the flats of his palms down Oswald front, sending him a salacious wink, “That’s where the bedrooms are.”

Oswald snorted, shaking his head as he picked up his cane. “Come along. You can lean on me if you need to.”

“Okay!” Ed chirped, pressing himself to Oswald’s side. “Mmm, a big strong man.”

Oswald rolled his eyes but stepped forward nonetheless, making his way towards the elevators. He had a feeling he wouldn’t quite be able to handle Ed on the stairs.

“Oh, you taking this one to bed?” Barbara commented, turning up out of the blue.

“I think it’s about time, don’t you?” Oswald chuckled.

“Yes, thank _God_ ,” Barbara sighed. “I thought those sirens were bad enough on their own, but add Riddle-boy here into the mix and, holy _fuck_ , is it chaos.”

Oswald laughed. “Talk to you tomorrow, Babs.”

She nodded, heels clicking away as she went to deal with the next crisis. What a woman.

“Hey! Hey, Oswald!” Ed called.

Oswald turned to look at him, rolling his eyes when Ed waved his hand in front of his face. “Yes, Edward?”

“R-riddle-” Ed paused to burp, “Riddle me this: All day long it's in and out. I-I disch-discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me,” Ed winked, “Wh-wh-what am I?”

Oswald shook his head, feigning disappointment. “Really, Ed?”

“Oswald, _please_ ,” Ed placed an innocent hand on his chest, “The answer is an _elevator_. What else could you possibly think?”

Oswald rolled his eyes. “Okay, Ed, very clever.”

The elevator dinged and Oswald led the way inside, pressing the button for the top floor with the hand not caught up in Ed’s.

“Ozzie.” Ed tugged on Oswald’s arm and he turned, only to be pressed up against the elevator wall.

“Ed?” Lips clashed and Oswald struggled not to laugh as Ed’s sloppy tongue tried to slip inside. “Whah ah yah doin?”

“Don't worry, Oswald,” Ed pulled back to whisper in his ear. “It's just us now. Penguin never needs to know.”

Oswald snorted, gently pushing him away. “You are so drunk now, Ed.”

“You're just trying to distract me.” Ed pouted. “I know you want me.” Ed's hand slid down Oswald’s front and over his crotch, cupping him and giving him a squeeze. 

Oswald laughed, shaking his head. Ed was way too sloppy to be sexy. The elevator door opened with a ding. “Come on, Ed. I'm taking you to bed.”

“Good!” Ed turned, wriggling his hips invitingly before proceeding to stumble down the hall. Oswald did his best to follow him, laughing all the way. 

“Come on, Oswald,” Ed leant against a nearby door, “ _Ravish_ me.”

Oswald rolled his eyes. “That's the bathroom, Ed.”

“Oh.” Ed frowned, puzzled. Oswald shook his head and took Ed’s hand.

“Come, my love.” Oswald helped him further down the hall to an actual bedroom, leading him inside. He sat him down on the bed. “Is there anything you need?”

“Yes,” Ed nodded, prodding a finger at Oswald’s chest, “You!”

Oswald laughed. “I can't believe I'm marrying you.”

“You're marrying me?” Ed gasped. “Wow!”

Oswald hummed. “I think one last glass of water before bed. I'll call one up, okay?”

“Okay.”

Oswald stepped outside for a moment, calling the order up on his phone.

“It'll be there soon, Mr Cobblepot.”

“Good.” Oswald snapped the phone shut, turning back into the room. Ed was lying back on the bed, fingers dancing in a shadow-puppet show above his head. “Water’ll be here soon, Ed.”

“Ooh,” Ed propped himself up on his elbows, looking up bleary-eyed through his askew glasses. “Good, you're both here.”

“Both?” Oswald laughed.

“Quick, get these clothes off,” Ed pulled at the front of his glitter suit, “Then we can all have some fun.”

“Sure, Ed,” Oswald rolled his eyes, stepping forward, “Let me help you with that before you rip it.”

“Mmm, thanks, babe,” Ed laid back down, wriggling his hips invitingly.

Oswald carefully maneuvered Ed's limbs, helping him out of the suit piece by piece.

“It tickles,” Ed giggled as the sequins brushed against his skin.

“I know, my darling, just hold still.” Oswald pressed a kiss to his hair and bent down to pull his trousers off the rest of the way.

“You always take such good care of me, Oswald,” Ed sighed. Oswald looked up, feeling a hand in his hair. “I'm marrying you glad so.”

Oswald burst out laughing, glancing up at Ed's puzzled frown. “Oh, Ed,” Oswald stood, pressing a chaste kiss to his fiancé’s lips, “I love you so much.”

Ed smiled, eyes glassy. “I love you, too.”

“Good, then you'll listen when I tell you to go to sleep,” Oswald chuckled, smoothing back Ed's wild curls off his forehead. 

“Fine,” Ed sighed. “Only if you promise to stay.”

“Of course, I’ll stay,” Oswald assured him, “I’ll always stay.”

Ed nodded, turning to nuzzle his face in the duvet. Oswald carefully helped him up the bed, moving him beneath the covers. He took his hand and gently slid his ring off, tucking it in his pocket for safe keeping.

“Good night, Oswald,” Ed mumbled against his pillow.

Oswald kissed his hand. “Sweet dreams, my love.”

Ed’s eyes slipped closed, and Oswald watched him fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you liked it, please drop a kudos/comment! Every single one is appreciated! I will have a few other fics ready for this week too, so please check them out!
> 
> Have a good day :)


End file.
